Pissed At John Bolton

Dear stan, For once the fake news is reporting the truth: I am pissed at The Mustache, aka John Bolton. For months he has been telling me it would be easy to oust Venezuelan strongman Nicolas Maduro, but Maduro turned out to be a tough cookie and this Guaido guy turned out to be a dud. The only coup Guaido and The Mustache have actually pulled off is right here in Washington DC, where we sent in some cops to raid the Venezuelan Embassy and arrest four “I-don’t-like-war” protestors so we could hand the place over to the coup guys. But in Venezuela, the coup is nothing, nada, and now The Mustache and the South Florida crazies want me to do it all for them by sending in the Marines? Uh, I don’t think so. The Mustache is not just gunning for war in Venezuela; he seems to be working overtime to push me into a war with Iran. He’s talking nonsense about sending 120,000 troops to the Middle East!!! Is he crazy? After all, I’ve said about getting us out of stupid wars? I know my buddies in the Middle East — Brass Balls Bibi and Prince Bone Saw Bin Salman — would like me to bomb, bomb, bomb Iran, but my generals tell me that would be a VERY BAD idea. You know what else I don’t like about The Mustache? He’s getting too much publicity. He acts like he’s the President and I don’t like that one bit. You know I love to fire people and The Mustache has been hanging around too long for my taste but I need your opinion: Is it time for me to say, John Bolton, You're Fired? Click here and CODEPINK will deliver his pink slip. I’ve been told countless times by U.S. intelligence that Iran isn’t a threat, but The Mustache has been whispering all kinds of crap in my ear: Iran has a nuclear weapons program, Iran sabotaged Saudi oil ships, Iran is responsible for the war in Yemen, Iran is ready to attack us. Does he think that just because I don’t read intelligence briefings, I’ll be so stupid as to believe him? I keep telling him and Mr. Boeing at the Pentagon, Patrick Shanahan, that I really don’t want to go to war with Iran. But The Mustache is not listening. I don’t mind being a tough guy. I was happy to tear up Obama’s disastrous Iran Nuclear Deal. I’ve been imposing all the sanctions The Mustache says I should — on Iran, Venezuela, Cuba, North Korea and probably on countries I don’t even know about. But I’m starting to think The Mustache is implementing his own agenda — his cockamamie Project for the New American Century instead of my “Make America Great Again.” Even with North Korea, whenever I try to talk with my pal Kim Jong Un, he steps in to sabotage it. So whadda you think? Should I fire his ass? Click here if you want me to fire Bolton and CODEPINK will deliver his pink slip. Even I know that the war in Iraq was a HUUUGE mistake, the single worst decision ever made. I’m not gonna be the same dummy George Bush was, letting The Mustache and his chickenhawks take me to war — especially not in an election year. But he could very well stage a false flag incident that would force my hand. What do you think? Is it time for The Mustache to get the boot? From the best president this country (and world) has ever had, President Donald Trump